Turtles All the Way Down: How I Became to Love Aza

I am a huge fan of John Green. From watching way too many Crash Course videos to reading all his books, I have enjoyed Green’s humor and emotional touch and they have been a comfort for me. Yet, when I first read the book, I had never understood Turtles All the Way Down. I didn’t like Aza, in fact, I hated this character. Aza Holmes was not the “John Green” character: smart, witty, and perfect. Even though some had cancer and some were bad at kissing, they were the perfect characters. Aza wasn’t of them. She rejected her friend/boyfriend Davis because she wasn’t confident enough, she was obsessed with her finger, and she ate hand sanitizer. Who was this girl? She broke up her romance and her ending didn’t seem to end well either. Then why in the world did John Green write a character like Aza?

Two years of high school, I have learned to love Aza. Re-reading Green’s book, I have learned to love Aza because she was most imperfect, like the rest of us. Aza was confused, scared, and sad. She wasn’t as confident as Green’s other characters, but that was what made her someone I could relate to the most. I can understand why she was so hesitant about her pills and how she was hesitant to break off a friendship with a semi-crappy friend and how she couldn’t continue the relationship. I loved John Green’s switching of the “I” to the “you” because that is exactly how it feels. You are no longer connected to the body and the soul floats around and sees so many ways that something can go wrong. Even though Aza gets into a cycle of her finger and C. Diff, which is a disease I still don’t understand, my spirals is one about my confidence and lack of worth. We are all going through the struggles even though we’re so young.

Now, I have learned to love the ending. It wasn’t, unusually, an ending where one romantic partner died or a romantic partner worked out. It was a story where both of them mutually agreed to separate ways, even though it wasn’t in their control. The ending with the spiral painting and the jump in the future was truly perfect. And even though it was sad to see and watch Davis go, my heart clenched at the past and future possibilities. I really thank Green for making this book for so many readers, including myself. Because it's turtles all the way down.